


It Isn't Too Late to Turn back

by sparkeythehamster



Category: Endeavour (TV)
Genre: M/M, alternative ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-11
Updated: 2016-01-11
Packaged: 2018-05-13 02:59:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5692081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparkeythehamster/pseuds/sparkeythehamster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I expect Jakes will be reaching the county border by now" Thursday shrugged, lighting up his pipe as Endeavour opened a window in the front room of the Thursday's residence. It was not uncommon for him to be invited round for dinner now, and the home of Fred Thursday and his family had almost become like a second home to him, or perhaps it just was his home, even though he didn't live here.</p><p>"I expect so" Morse agreed, keeping his tone at the same neutral level he'd done since finding out Peter Jakes' plans.</p><p>The last to know. At least that was the impression he'd gotten when speaking to Thursday. He knew he and Jakes hadn't exactly been friends, but... they'd been through a lot together, at least as much as Jakes had been through with Thursday, so why did he find out mere days before the sergeant was due to leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Isn't Too Late to Turn back

**Author's Note:**

> The last Endeavour episode just left me so upset and angry with how they got rid of Jakes that I just had to write an alternative, if only for my peace of mind.  
> I dedicate this story to my story, the first Jakes/Endeavour story on this site, and to the story I (with great apology) never finished.

Peter glanced with uncertainty from the window of the bus. This was right he kept telling himself, this was the right thing to do in more ways than one. He needed to move away from Oxford, a new place, a new start, and America seemed like the right place to do that. The girl beside him was shuffling through their luggage, a gentle smile on her face. Hope was her name and she was a sweet girl, and he was doing the right thing standing by her like this, certainly something he was sure the others hadn't expected of him.

The familiar world he knew was flashing by him, a world he knew he may never see again, friends he was leaving behind, a job he loved. But at the same time it was the place where such cruelty had been inflicted upon him, his memories about Oxford and the surrounding area was so mixed in his head that he wasn't sure whether to give a cheer or cry at the prospect of leaving it.

Then of course there was Morse.

The man with the reddish blonde hair who always seemed to be far too much of a know-it-all to be a policeman, the man he'd clashed with so much when they'd first been assigned to the same DI, the man he'd grown to respect and admire as time went on. His stomach twisted uncomfortably, and Peter forced himself to focus his thoughts more on his future.

He was going to be a father, a married man out on a ranch, herding cattle. True it wasn't the future he'd envisioned for himself, but perhaps it would all work out, you never knew until you tried after all.

"Peter." Hope had found something, something she now handed to him. An envelope. Not a special envelope, not even the sort you might expect to find a 'Good Luck' card in, just a clumsy, run-of-the-mill envelope, sealed with precision. His name was written across the back in curved, scruffy handwriting. He looked to his fiancé, but she only shrugged and continued to hum happily to herself.

Glancing down at the envelope in his hands, Peter shuffled his thumb under the sticky seal and broke it, pulling out a sheet of paper with the words simply 'For the baby - Endeavour Morse'.

Blinking in confusion, Jakes pulled out the rest of the contents of the envelope. Bonds, several of them all with '£5' written across the front in staple letters.

Hope leaned over, exclaiming happily when she saw them, "Oh wow, who sent those?" She asked, although Peter knew full well that the name probably wouldn't mean much to her, he hadn't mentioned those at work to her, he wanted to keep that old part of his life locked away, it was a different life to the one he was going to have with her.

He swallowed uncomfortably, holding the letter in his hands with Morse's scruffy handwriting, tensing as the paper crumpled slightly in his hand. Only someone like Morse would have sent a final short note full of bonds rather than actually shake his hand and have a final drink in the pub. Not that they'd ever really had a drink together in the pub before, Peter had tried to ask for one earlier in the week but Morse had been busy. It had just been one of those things he'd wanted to do before leaving. Any others they'd had in the past were in the presence of Thursday, and the ones where they sat at opposite sides of the bar hardly counted.

"Are you okay?" Hope picked up on his tension, and it wasn't until Peter saw her concerned face that he realised he was crying. Warm tears gathered in his eyes, dripping like steady flowing raindrops onto his lap.

This new life he was heading to, was it really possible to leave his old one behind? To leave the man he was back in the dreaming spires of Oxford. 

 

* * *

 

"I expect Jakes will be reaching the county border by now" Thursday shrugged, lighting up his pipe as Endeavour opened a window in the front room of the Thursday's residence. It was not uncommon for him to be invited round for dinner now, and the home of Fred Thursday and his family had almost become like a second home to him, or perhaps it just was his home, even though he didn't live here.

"I expect so" Morse agreed, keeping his tone at the same neutral level he'd done since finding out Peter Jakes' plans.

The last to know. At least that was the impression he'd gotten when speaking to Thursday. He knew he and Jakes hadn't exactly been friends, but... they'd been through a lot together, at least as much as Jakes had been through with Thursday, so why did he find out mere days before the sergeant was due to leave.

"She seemed like a nice girl" Thursday continued to chat, adjusting the pipe in his mouth so he could speak with more ease, although Endeavour expected that the smoking probably wasn't doing his lungs any good. Smoking for a healthy man was one thing, but one with a hole in his lungs that might potentially cause a problem - Endeavour had been reading some of the studies that were coming out.

"Yes." Endeavour himself hadn't met her, only caught a glimpse through the window of the pub. He wasn't sure why he'd gone, he hadn't been intending to go in, he'd just wanted to see this girl, perhaps to convince himself that she really existed and wasn't just some fabrication Jakes had pulled out of a hat.

He pondered over the words that Joan had spoken when he'd told her - like him she seemed to have been out of the loop. She seemed more surprised than anybody, a surprise that had actually caught Endeavour off guard considering how accepting everybody else had been of the situation.

Sam appeared in the doorway, arriving in the sitting room like the storm that all young lads of his age seemed to appear in, dropping down onto the sofa with a heavy emphasis, before reaching forward to turn on the football. This was usually the time that Endeavour made his excuses to leave, and today wasn't any different. So, rising to his feet with a nod to Thursday and a polite smile to Sam he made his way out of the Sitting Room, intending to find Mrs Thursday to thank her for the meal before setting off on his way.

But instead he found Joan, hanging around in the hallway in the way she so often did.

"Miss Thursday" he greeted, as she grinned back at him in that usual cheeky way. Joan Thursday was the sort of girl who always seemed to have a slightly flirtatious air about her, it was harmless as far as Endeavour could see, but he was surprised that her father hadn't picked up on it. Perhaps that was the thing about fathers, they were incapable of seeing their daughters as anything other than their little girls.

This brought his mind back to Jakes. His fiancé was pregnant, Jakes was going to be a father, would he have a little girl like Joan? Or a son like Sam, someone he could talk about football with. Endeavour could imagine Jakes getting on with either, and he certainly would try to make their life as carefree and innocent as possible. He'd be a good father...

"So Peter's really gone then?" Joan stayed where she was, half swinging around the dining room door-frame with her shoulder. "You know part of me thought he'd have backed out before he got on the bus, or that it would all be some intricate deception to have us all fooled, just because he was too awkward to work out another way to tell people he wanted to move away."

Endeavour had to admit that similar thoughts had gone through his mind as well, but he just shrugged in answer to Joan's statements. "We shouldn't be so hard on him, he's doing the right thing, and perhaps it will be good for him to leave Oxfordshire."

"Oh I know you're right" Joan grinned, "But I mean I was so sure that he was..." she caught herself, giggling apologetically, "it doesn't matter. We should be happy for him, and I'm sure he'll write or whatever, he had friends here right?"

"I expect so," Endeavour had certainly seen quite a few people at his send-off, most of which he recognised from the station. But there it was again, something similar to what Joan had said in the kitchen, something that just seemed odd. "What were you going to say?" He kept his tone light, but was unable to hold back the curiosity he knew that his eyes were glinting with.

Joan waved her hand at him, "Oh it's nothing, forget I said anything, evidently I was wrong anyway," she flicked her gaze from him, something that caught Endeavour's keen eye. As a Police Officer with some level of experience, he had a good way of knowing when there was something important being withheld, but the question was whether it was right to push, after all this was his DI's daughter, not a suspect in a murder.

He dipped his head, "Well goodnight then, please pass your thanks onto your mother for me, I don't want to disturb her if she's already gone to bed."

Joan nodded, her eyes still unable to settle on his, but she smiled and offered a similar sentiment, apparently caught up in thought.

Removing his coat from the stand, and opening the door, Endeavour was surprised to find a hand lightly tapping his back. Turning he found Joan standing behind him, looking very shifty as she checked behind her, glancing in the direction of the sitting room door where her father and brother could be heard talking animatedly about the game.

"If I do tell you will you promise not to think badly of me or tell anyone else?" She spoke quickly, as if she was hoping to get whatever it was out before she changed her mind.

Nodding, perhaps a little hesitant about whether he really wanted to know now, Endeavour allowed her to move closer so she could whisper.

"Well, you remember I was seeing Peter myself about a year ago?" She flushed, it was a bit of an embarrassing situation as Jakes had scampered the moment he spotted Thursday, forcing Endeavour to take the wrap for him. But he nodded for the sake of encouraging the conversation forwards.

"Well as you probably saw he seemed awfully forward, and he was... at least in public, but the moment we were alone, I mean when you actually wanted him to be a bit more forward it was like he didn't know how to be, as if the display in public was for show or to prove something..." Joan trailed off, her head bobbing slightly in encouragement as if she were hoping Endeavour might pick up the rest.

But the detective was struggling. Joan seemed to be explaining whatever it was in rather a roundabout way.

She sighed at the clueless look on his face, "I see now I must have just been reading too much into it at the time, but well... I thought he might have been... well, perhaps not as into girls as he let us all believe."

Even this took a moment to process, but eventually he got it.

"What?" His exclamation was a little too loud, because Thursday's head appeared round the door, studying them both suspiciously.

"Everything all right?" He asked, an eyebrow raised as he glanced between his daughter and Endeavour, taking in how closely they were standing.

"Everything's fine dad" Joan sighed in an exasperated tone, "Go back to your game."

Thursday hesitated a moment longer, then disappeared again, the volume of the game was turned down slightly, and Endeavour knew that meant that his DI was probably paying more attention to their conversation now.

"As I said I was obviously wrong, when you told me it just took me by surprise that's all." She shook her head, "anyway, I don't want dad to start imagining things, so I'd best say goodnight here."

"...Yes... Goodnight." It was as if he were in shock as Endeavour did up the final buttons of his coat and left the house. Peter Jakes.... no... it couldn't be true, this was probably just one of Joan's fanciful imaginings, he knew she was full of them... but then again even Joan knew most of her stories were just that, but she'd taken this one so seriously, and Endeavour expected that if anyone were to know something like that it would be the girlfriend of... such a man...

Jakes wasn't flamboyant though like the lads he'd known in University, although Endeavour knew he wasn't himself either... but then again Endeavour knew he liked women, he just occasionally noticed the odd bloke as well - nothing he'd ever thought of acting on though.

It was just, when they first met, Jakes had been so outspoken about all of his conquests and encounters, that coupled with the way Endeavour had seen him and Joan dancing in the club that night, well, the word 'homosexual' was not one that ever would have crossed his mind when describing Peter Jakes. And anyhow, he was getting married, to a pregnant girl, Joan must have been mistaken. Yes, she must have been...

Stopping by the bus stop, Endeavour rested his back against the glass. Had he ever counted Jakes amongst one of the blokes he had 'noticed', well the honest answer to that was 'yes', and it was hard not to be attracted to him, Peter Jakes was just one of those men who seemed to attract the furniture simply by brushing past it. He was slim, with a sharp pale face and dark hollow eyes that may perhaps have been displeasing on the face of another man, but with Jakes it just seemed soulful, a remembering scar of his past that he hadn't been able to shake. Peter Jakes the man who hid who he was almost as a profession, a man who lied even to himself. These were all things that Endeavour had not initially seen when he and Jakes had first been introduced, but as time went on he began to wonder how he'd ever missed them.

Jakes was gone now though, there was no point dwelling on it. He'd get on with his life and Jakes would get on with whatever new life it was that he'd chosen to take.

The bus pulled up, Endeavour paid his fair and swung himself into a seat. The bus was mostly empty, just a tired man with a briefcase in one corner and two female students in another, giggling softly to each other as they chatted in quiet voices.

It wasn't as if Endeavour had expected anything to happen if Jakes had stayed, after all, whether Jakes had inclinations towards men or not, that didn't mean he had any of those inclinations towards himself. It wasn't as if Endeavour had been in love with him either, attracted to, drawn to perhaps, but love... that was a strong word and not one Endeavour liked to use lightly. Even Monica, although he had cared for her strongly and most certainly been attracted to her, love still didn't seem like the right word.

A relationship between two men on the police force, well it was just unheard of, even if there was talk of legalizing the act, that didn't protect you from being fired the moment your employer found out, and as nice of a man as Super Intendant Innocent seemed, this sort of thing would probably prove too much for him to even comprehend. No, this was far better. Jakes was getting married, and Endeavour knew the new WPC had been sending him smiles all week, she was certainly a girl he could see himself becoming fond of.

His stop wasn't far, and soon Endeavour was making his way off the bus, and trudging the remaining lengths back to his new house.

Turning the final corner he paused. His instincts uncertain as he peered through the dark at the light that had flickered on his doorstep. The light shone again, the distinctive light of a cigarette burning.

It couldn't be.

Endeavour called out, trying to sound cross, after all, it was most likely somebody trespassing, "Who's there?"

The light from the cigarette went out, although Endeavour caught sight of the dying ambers rising as the shadow clambered to their feet. Both stayed where they were.

"Who's there?" Endeavour repeated again, "I should let you know that I am a policeman." For the average home-breaker or vagrant this tended to do the trick, but the figure stayed where they were, hesitating on his doorstep.

"I... I didn't know where else to go..."

The shadow spoke, a thick accented voice, an unmistakable voice.

Endeavour moved closer, peering through the dark, his eyes taking in as much light as they could from the stars and the street lamp back on the main path.

"Peter?" He just had to be sure before he said any more.

The figure nodded, reaching out a hand to run through their hair.

When Endeavour unlocked his door and turned on the light he saw Peter Jakes standing beside him, skin paler than usual, hair standing up at odd angles and a wild and nervous look in his eyes.

The other man tossed his cigarette away outside and shuffled into the house. While Endeavour hadn't actually invited him in, he knew that he probably would have done so in a few second anyway, so he didn't protest and just closed the door behind them, shifting off his coat and placing it on the back of a chair he followed Jakes into the sitting room.

"What are you doing here?" Endeavour couldn't help but ask after about half a minute of watching Jakes pace.

The dark haired man paused, looked at him and began pacing again. Finally he stopped, apparently having grown self-concious of Endeavour watching him.

"I don't know, I mean... Oh shit," he sank down onto the sofa, his head falling into his hands, "I don't know what I'm doing, this whole thing is a mess, just one big mess."

Unsure what to do, Endeavour moved over to the sofa. He didn't take a seat himself, but sort of hovered nearby trying to work out what the right words were, or if he should say anything at all.

"What happened to your fiancé?" He didn't know her by name so that was all he could inquire after her with, Jakes had told him outside of the pub, but it had been such a fleeting moment he'd forgotten it.

Jakes shrugged, "Still heading to the port to catch her boat to America," he looked up at Endeavour and saw the mixed look of judgement on his face, "The... the child wasn't mine..." His voice was strained, "She was pregnant when I met her, I think she was hoping to have a new boyfriend quick enough to trick them into believing they were the father in the hope that they'd stay with her and..." he coughed, "Do the right thing."

Endeavour absorbed this new information carefully, "Not... yours..." he repeated back uncertainly, "but you made everyone think..."

"I know... that was the idea after all. Go back to America, she could introduce me as her fiancé, then we could tell her family she was pregnant after the wedding..."

Nodding, Endeavour rolled his hand, "I think I got that bit... but why? What did you get out of it?"

The other man's sharp eyes flicked up to him very suddenly. It wasn't anger that flashed in his direction, but something that perhaps could easily have been mistaken for it.

"A fresh start, somewhere new, somewhere different, and..." He looked away, breaking the contact, but Endeavour had begun slipping the pieces together.

"...and so you wouldn't have to worry about what people might say... if you were married with a child..."

Silence fell over the room, an awkward uncertain silence as both men weighed each other up while studying the wallpaper on opposite walls.

"I don't know what you're..."

"Joan told me," Endeavour decided it was best to get the whole route of denial out of the way, "and don't worry it doesn't bother me," he buried his hands deep into his pockets. "Did your fiancé know?"

Another heartbeat of silence before "...yes."

Well at least Jakes had been honest with her from the start then, he'd probably deduced that he couldn't marry a girl and keep a secret like that for long, but she'd presumably been so desperate that she couldn't afford to care.

Reaching out a hand, Endeavour placed it on Jakes' shoulder, watching as the other man glanced at it, before bringing his eyes up to meet Endeavour's again. When they met now there was an honest understanding, as if they were seeing each other properly for the first time. The rawness of it all made Endeavour nervous, he knew that Jakes knew, and that made him vulnerable, although he could imagine the other man was feeling something similar.

"You're going to stay?" Endeavour turned away, knowing that whether Jakes had decided Oxford was to be his permanent residence again or not he would probably need to crash on the sofa for the night.

"I... I don't know yet," but he accepted the blanket Endeavour passed his way from one of the cupboards, "I don't know how I'll explain it all to Thursday... or if there's even a chance I could get my job back now..."

These were questions Endeavour himself couldn't answer either, "We'll sort it out in the morning, for now you should get some rest."

This seemed to be the end of it, but there was one more question he needed to ask.

Bracing his hand against the door on his way out, Endeavour paused, "Why was I the last person you told?"

He waited for his answer, prepared to continue to move on if his question was met with silence, but, after a short while Jakes spoke up, "I don't know... you were the hardest one to tell..."


End file.
